Ship Full o' Pirates

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The Background

In 2005 I let my driver’s licence expire.  I know, now!  But at the time it was just one of those things.  I just let the time get away from me, and ended up having to go to the DMV in person.  Well, in San Antonio this is a particularly unpleasant experience.  The lines, oh the lines, and no place to sit, and you had better have planned to spend the whole day.

So, I did my bit, signed in all the right places, got my thumb-prints photographed, my social security card photographed (this becomes important later), my picture taken, the whole nine yards.

Then I went home and waited for two weeks for my shiny, new, driver’s licence to arrive in my mailbox.

The Wrinkle

Instead of my shiny, new, driver’s licence, the Texas Department of Transportation (Tx.D.o.T.), aided in their logic by the Department of Homeland Security (D.O.O.F.U.S.) decided that since I never bothered to change my name with the Social Security Administration (S.S.A., is it a palindrome?) to match my married name, (which, by the way, was already on my driver’s licence!) that they would just send me a letter telling me to get my name on my Social Security Card to match my name on my driver’s licence and then come back to their wonderful waiting room from hell and go through the whole rigamarole again!

So I didn’t.

Ever since.

I know, I’m bad.

I’ve been driving around all this time.  Shh!  Don’t call the cops yet!

Keep reading.

The Impetus

I had no plan for getting my name changed on my Social Security Card.  I mean, I didn’t plan to not do it.  I just never got around to planning to do it.  You’d think it would have come up.  We’ve been married for 22 years.  You’d think I might have carved out a day to take care of it.  But, no.  Not so much.

Until.

My car insurance carrier sent us a notice saying they won’t be able to continue our coverage because they changed something and don’t do business with our agent anymore.  Weird, huh?  So, in order to buy new car insurance ya kinda have to have a current driver’s licence.

The Beginning of a Solution

First I had to get that pesky Social Security thing in order.  Took two days but I got the paper I needed to carry to the Tx.D.o.T. people to PROVE that I am who they thought I was all along.

Next I went online to find a better Tx.D.o.T. location to spend my day waiting and do you know?  In all of San Antonio, a city of over 1.3 million people, there are a grand total of four Department of Transportation Offices.  That’s just wrong!  No wonder the process is an all day affair!

Plan A

So I had this brilliant idea.  We’ll go out of town to get this deal done at an office that certainly won’t be over crowded.  Hubs was on board with this plan, he so hates to wait for anything.

We decided to go to Bandera.   Their Tx.D.o.T. office is only open one day a week and it just happened to be Wednesday.  That worked ‘cuz it was Tuesday when I was hatching this brilliance.  So we set out for Bandera this morning.  Between stopping at the grocery for a few things and getting gas and realizing I left the directions at home and having to stop and ask the local librarian where the DMV was located we finally arrived at the Tx.D.o.T. office at lunch time.  Yes they do, they close up for an hour and fifteen minutes for lunch on their one day!

We enjoyed a lovely lunch hour at a local restaurant, wondering the whole time what the sign on the Tx.D.o.T. door meant by saying they can’t do any renewals since their computer is broken.  Yessirree.  Computer.  Singular.  And yeah, it really meant that they can’t do any renewals.    But the friendly Tx.D.o.T. man said maybe I could go to Kerrville or Boerne.

And really?  He oughtta be friendly.  Open one day a week and can’t do a lick o’ work since the ‘puter konked out!

Plan Two

Since Kerrville is the opposite way from home we decided to head to Boerne.  Now, the difference between Boerne and Bandera is enormous.  Bandera hasn’t got a thousand folks all together.  Boerne has over 7,000.  It’s even got a WalMart and an H.E.B. (our big grocery chain).  So, we thought there was a good chance that their DMV might be open on a Wednesday.  Turns out they’re open five days a week, just like big city folks, only without so much crowding and waiting.  They even had two clerks, and I had to wait!  I picked a number from the box, 12.  They were serving number 8.  Compared to Bandera it was a madhouse!  We thought it was cute!  The numbers were magic-marker on cardboard!  Very redneck for such an upscale hick town.

Many More Wrinkles

So I sat down and told the clerk that I needed to renew my expired licence.  She asked how long it had been expired.  When I told her the part about 2005 she started the list of documents that I needed to have with me and didn’t.
Stuff like birth certificate, marriage licence, immunization records, baptismal certificate.  I really don’t know all the items that were on her list ‘cuz I didn’t have any of them and I quit listening after she said I’d have to take a written test and a driving test and their first available appointment would be next Tuesday!  Oh, and by the by, they don’t accept the letter of name change from the Social Security Administration anymore, I’d have to wait for the actual card to come in the mail.  Now that I reflect on it, I’m surprised I didn’t have a stroke while she was talking.  And she ended the whole disappointing filibuster with a request to see my old driver’s licence.  She started clicking around on her keyboard.

And then she said it!

“Your driver’s licence isn’t expired.  I’ts actually good until your birthday in 2011.  You just need to get a duplicate made.  That’ll be ten dollars.  You wanna do that?”

I signed in all the right places, got my thumb-prints photographed, had my picture taken, paid my ten buckaroos and she handed me my temporary licence.

Can’t wait to see if they actually mail me a driver’s licence in a couple of weeks!

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