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I read this on Crochet Cabana’s Facebook page and loved it so much I had to repost! No source was given so if you know who wrote it, do share.
Pattern: A set of written instructions that may
or may not result in creating the object in the
picture. Most patterns include a list of
supplies, but this is for your amusement only.
turquoise does not exist, and cannot be
obtained. Patterns also have fun-to-do math
problems, such as 1 dc in next 7 dc (34 dc
made)?!
Yo: Yarn Over, meaning you need to wrap your
yarn over your hook. Of course, this assumes the
yarn doesn’t split, fray or tangle. If this
happens, yo then stands for, Yell Outrageously.
Dtrtrc: Double-treble-treble-crochet. This is a
stitch where you yo four zillion times, insert
hook in stitch and pull through the next two
loops, repeating until all loops are off the
hook, or until the end of time, whichever comes
first.
Reverse sc: This stitch is the lefty’s revenge
on all of us righties. For once we have to work
backwards, too!
Catalog: A dangerous device that hypnotizes
crocheters. It lulls them into a catatonic
state, causing them to spend the family’s
grocery money on patterns and yarn. It may also
be an evil plot to cause the downfall of the
American economy.
Hook: A device permanently attached to a
crocheter’s hand. It is also connected to her
blood supply, and if for some reason it becomes
dislodged from her hand, she breaks into a sweat
and starts to feel faint. If the hook cannot be
immediately replaced, the only valid substitute
is a catalog (see above).
Yarn: The only reason sheep farms still exist!
It’s also what crocheters buy when they have
money. If there’s any cash left over, they buy
food and clothes.
Doily: This seemingly innocent item looks like a
table protector, but if someone actually tries
to put a wet glass or an ashtray on it, the
creator will instantly turn into a snarling
Doberman. Use doilies at your own peril.
Cat: A non-mechanical device used for unraveling
afghans, unwinding skeins and keeping one’s lap
warm. A cat requires daily maintenance in the
form of light stroking.
Dog: Another non-mechanical device that is used
for chasing down balls of yarn and putting
tooth-mark engravings in wooden hooks. It’s a
high-maintenance item that does not store easily.
Baby: A valid excuse to crochet something.
Housework: An ancient rite that was performed by
some B.C. women (Before Crochet). Historians
believe it may have had something to do with a
device called a vacuum cleaner, which was kept
in closets now occupied by yarn.
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