Yesterday, in the late afternoon, Maggie’s leash slipped from my hand while we were out for a “potty break” and she decided to emphasize the BREAK part of that deal.  She didn’t run, I’d n.e.v.e.r. have caught her if she’d decided to exercise her liberty.  She trotted, which was enough, thank you very much.  Fortunately for me she didn’t realize that what she had was total carte blanche.  She could have run for miles.  As it was, she got half way around the pool fence and got confused by trees, a/c units, the pool filter and some chickens.  So she showed what a smart girl she is and turned around and came to me.

Me?  Did anyone wonder what I was doing during the brief spell of freedom?  I was running.  I don’t run.  So you can imagine how that went over.  The children, my precious children, are still snickering under their collective breath having seen me run.

Children?  Children could have done the panicked running and chasing, right?  Maybe they were also confused by the a/c units and chickens.  I don’t know.

I do know I was the only one who knew the full extent of the embarrassment I would undergo if my dog got away from me the day after I got her.  So, you could say, I was the most motivated person on el scene-o de crime-o.  (ht to Steve Martin for that bit)

So, after all the running and swearing (not really, but as I was running I was fumbling around for some words that would be appropriate, nuthin’ nice came to mind) anyway, after the running and NOT swearing was over and the breathing and heart pounding was down to non stroke inducing levels, I calmly walked Maggie back over to the “designated” part of the yard… Remember why I was outside with Maggie to begin with?  So I thought it would be best for Maggie to get right back to “business”.

Then, no sooner was she ready to go back into the house than the chickens came walking around to the “designated” portion of the yard.  What were THEY thinking?  They have NEVER come around to that side of the yard EVER.  But I’m thinking it went something like this.

Hen#1:  Help!  The sky is falling and it looks an awful lot like a GERMAN SHEPHERD DOG.

Hen #2:  Do ya think?  I think it looks more like a Belgian Shepherd.

Hen #3:  No, you idiot, it’s our Mother!  And she’s running after that dog.  HI MOM!

Hen #1:  Look, they’re leaving, and the sky… maybe I was mistaken about that part.  MOM,  WHERE ARE YOU TAKING THAT DOG, WE HAVEN’T DECIDED WHAT BREED IT IS YET!”

Rooster #1:  Hey, you other roosters, there’s a ruckus over near the pool fence.  Let’s go check it out!

Rooster #2:  Let’s roll!

Rooster #3:  I skint my knee and my asthma is acting up a bit.  Y’all go.  I’m good here.

All Chickens:  Rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, Hey do you think there are grasshoppers on the other side?  Het ‘em up!  Move ‘em out, RAW CHICKEN!

Maggie:  RAW…CHICKEN?  Lemme at ‘em!

And that is the point at which I tripped over the giant doggie causing me to decide she’d had enough outdoor time for the day and should spend the next 2 hours in her crate (until several strong teenagers get home from work and want to RUN up and down the driveway with her 15 times).

The end.

Wait.  I forgot about the good part.  The good part even has pictures.  The good part happened today.  We strapped Maggie’s HUGE harness on her, took her out front and hooked her up to the zip line.  The tie out is 20 ft and the zip line is about 50 ft long so she’ll have LOTS of room to exercise.  That is SO GONNA WORK!!!

She loved the freedom to walk farther away from us than 4 ft.  She didn’t try to run off.  She just walked around!

And barked at a bull that was out in the pasture.  And BARKED! And BARKED! And BARKED! And BARKED!

She barked long and loud and I loved the sound of it!  She really told that bull.  I don’t really think the bull cared.  He didn’t seem to pay any attention to her at all.  He may not even speak dog.  He just kept on walkin’ and after Maggie stopped barking he started mooing.  Or maybe he was mooing the whole time and we just couldn’t tell for all the LOUD BARKING.

Did I mention that the barking is very important to me?  I’m very happy about the barking.

Hmm, maybe this inspired the bull-bark-aholic.

She ATE that hoof yesterday.

So, in honor of the running after the dog and the tripping over the dog yesterday I have declared this afternoon a holiday.  I’m going to take a pill, recline in a soft arm chair, and watch all the Christmas movies there’s time for… for the rest of the day… and maybe tomorrow too.  We’re gonna start with Elf.  My favorite Christmas movie is It’s a Wonderful Life, but we don’t have that one.  What’s your favorite?

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1. Both are very easy to make.  That part is almost a requirement anymore.
2. Both are on a graham cracker crust because I LOVE graham cracker crusts.  Every pie should wear one!
3. Both have very short ingredient lists.  (See point #1)
4. And both have sweetened condensed milk as an ingredient because John says that sweetened condensed milk is a food group all to itself!

He loves that gooey stuff and would eat it with a spoon if I wasn’t watching.  But I am, so he doesn’t.  At least that’s his story.  Maybe I need to start keeping inventory of how many cans I bring into the house and how many I use to create wonderful desserts for him and just see if it all jives.

The plan for the big turkey day (not that we ever eat turkey on Thanksgiving, just sayin’) is to enjoy a ham, some green beans (no, not the casserole, we’re Thanksgiving rebels) cooked with bacon and onion, and some crockpot potatoes.  The desserts we have lined up are Pumpkin Bread, Banana Caramel Pie, and Lemon Pie.

I modified the recipes a bit to suit me, such as using real whipped cream instead of the garbage in the tubs, and using fewer spices in the pumpkin bread (we leave out the allspice and cloves).

That’s all.  If you come over tomorrow, bring rolls.  I think everything else is covered.

Hey, what’s that doing in there?

I actually got that to make into lunch meat.  What?  It was free with the ham I bought.  I was supposed to turn down free meat?

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Let’s see, do I have any silliness to report today?

Why, yes, yes I do.

It’s like a game.

See if you can match the right question with the right answer.

1. How many gerbils live in my house?
2. How many Butterfly larvae live in my house?
3. How many rabbits in my backyard?
4. How many birds in my front room?
5. How many snakes live in the den?
6. How many tarantulas live in my dining room?

• A. 14
• B. 4
• C. 1
• D. 60 (?!?!)
• E. 12
• F. 3

You only get one hint.

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Let’s pretend I’m not on a diet.  Let’s pretend that it’s ok for me to talk about cookies.  And while we’re at it, let’s pretend that it’s ok for me to actually consume a few of the afore mentioned cookies. (insert Jedi mind mess hand wave here)  And as long as we’re pretending, let’s pretend that it was actually only a “few” cookies that were wolfed consumed!

Ok, everybody got their imaginations workin’?

Alrighty then.  Let me tell you about the most perfect cookie in the world!

A very good friend of mine gave me a Wilton Cookie Press for Christmas.  I have never in my life owned such a cool little gizmo for making cookies!

These little cookies are so easy to make and they came out so perfect!  It was like a little cookie miracle happened in my kitchen.  I had more fun making these little bits of yumminess!  I really wanted to let Sally Mae in on the fun and make this a Sally Mae Cooks post, but she just doesn’t have the hand strength to make a cookie dough or to operate the gizmo.  We’ll have to come up with something else for her to do.  This puppy is all mine!

Aren’t these cookie clones just the cutest thing on a tray?

And tasty too!

Alright, back to the regularly scheduled diet.

End of imaginary diet break!

This post is linked to:

• Tempt my Tummy Tuesday
• Works for Me Wednesday
• Things I Love Thursday

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Is it vain, or merely a foregone conclusion to say that, in our efforts to rise early and read READ read our Bibles on the 90 day schedule, the enemy is after us?  Giving his best shot to nip this new deal in the bud!

Yesterday was great, being a Holiday, we had time on our hands.  Plenty of Bible reading time.  We didn’t adhere to any kind of schedule or even rise from bed at any designated time (read: slept in real good!).

We read our Bibles at our leisure.

Enter Saturday. Whole different story.  Today we have a schedule, a tight one.  Hubs and the three bigs had to be out of the house by 6:30.  When they get home later this afternoon, it’ll only be to shower before the whole family rushes out the door for the REST OF THE DAY.

Not a normal Saturday for us, by far.  We’ll get home tonite just in time to roll into bed.  Not a minute of spare time for the rest of the day.  So the Bible reading had to be done first thing this morning!

Cap that off with a touch of (Mad Cow Disease related) insomnia last night coupled with a late(ish) showing of Lethal Weapon in my den last evening and we have a real good case of tiredgrumpysleepycranky this morning.  (Planning break-down!)

Today’s portion of Scripture was Genesis 17:1 – Genesis 28:19.  I got it read, and I have already been blessed by it.  But it sure would have been easy to just sit there sipping coffee and gazing, thoughtless, into nothing.

I’d like to think that today’s hurdle was the hardest one I’ll encounter in this 90 days.  But I know better.  I know I’ll be tempted far worse than I was today.  God is able and I’ll rest in His strength.

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My Family from WiddlyTinks.com

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I’m going on an indefinite vacation from blogging.

Have a Merry Christmas!  And a Happy New Year!

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It was the night before Christmas, when all thru the abode Only one creature was stirring, and she was cleaning the commode. The children were finally sleeping, all snug in their beds, While visions of Nintendo 64 and Barbie, flipped through their heads.The dad was snoring in front of the TV, With a half-constructed bicycle on his knee. So only the mom heard the reindeer hooves clatter, Which made her sigh, “Now what’s the matter?” With toilet bowl brush still clutched in her hand, She descended the stairs, and saw the old man. He was covered with ashes and soot, which fell with a shrug. “Oh great,” muttered the mom, “Now I have to clean the rug.” “Ho-ho-ho!” cried Santa, “I’m glad you’re awake.” “Your gift was especially difficult to make.” “Thanks, Santa, but all I want is some time alone.” “Exactly!” he chuckled, “I’ve made you a clone.” “A clone?” she asked, “What good is that? Run along, Santa, I’ve no time for chit-chat.” The mother’s twin. Same hair, same eyes, Same double chin. “She’ll cook, she’ll dust,” She’ll mop every mess. You’ll relax, take it easy, Watch The Young & the Restless.” “Fantastic!” the mom cheered. “My dream come true! “I’ll shop. I’ll read., I’ll sleep a whole night through! ” From the room above, the youngest began to fret. “Mommy?! I scared… and I am wet.” The clone replied, “I’m coming, sweetheart.” “Hey,” the mom smiled, “She knows her part.” The clone changed the small one, and hummed a tune, as she bundled the child, in a blanket cocoon. “You the best mommy ever. ” I really love you.” The clone smiled and sighed, “I love you, too.” The mom frowned and said, “Sorry, Santa, no deal. ” That’s my child’s love, she’s trying to steal.” Smiling wisely Santa said, “To me it is clear, ” Only one loving mother, is needed here.” The mom kissed her child, and tucked her into bed. “Thank you, Santa, for clearing my head. I sometimes forget, it won’t be very long, When they’ll be too old, for my cradle-song.” The clock on the mantle began to chime. Santa whispered to the clone, “It works every time.” With the clone by his side Santa said, “Goodnight. Merry Christmas, Mom, You’ll be all right.” -Author Unknown

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I’m sure it’s due to the cold weather.  Funny that those of us who live in south Texas even have a “White Christmas” expectation.  I think it’s due to tv specials that teach us that for a really and truly home-style Christmas there will be snow, and all contrary weather is a big let down.

Well, we got our sweaters on now, so it must be Christmas!

The other thing that is prompting this Holiday feel is that the big three Cowboys have been goin’ to work with Hubs every day.  Weird, that.  It’s a neat deal for the littles to have me to themselves for the whole day, and at the same time, it’s a whole ton of work for me since my plan depends on a certain amount of assistance from those big Cowboys.  I even had to carry laundry baskets and put away my own groceries and water rabbits all by me onesie.  (Sorry - channeling Jack Sparrow for a second there!  {hi, carri})

The point is, it’s just odd here.  I am seriously considering taking the day off from school and just baking cookies and making cocoa.  I think I will!

Want my horribly sinful sugar cookie recipe?  It’s so bad for you, in many ways, but it’s the very tastiest cookie and stands up to little helpers wielding rolling pins and cookie cutters and the dreaded SPRINKLES!  (sprinkles are nasty, imo)  But these cookies are the BOSS of all sugar cookies!

Trail Boss Sugar Cookies

• 1 cup butter flavor Crisco (If your store is out or the butter flavor you can use plain.)
• 1½ cups granulated sugar
• ½ cup brown sugar
• 3 eggs
• 2 T milk
• 1 t vanilla
• 4 – 5 cups all-purpose flour
• 1½ t baking soda
• 1½ t cream of tartar (If you don’t have any, go ahead and omit.  It doesn’t make a huge difference.)
• 1 t salt

In a large bowl cream the Crisco and the sugars together.  Beat in the eggs, one at a time.  Add the milk and vanilla, mix well.

In a medium bowl combine the flour, baking soda, cream of tartar and salt.  Give it a stir and mix it into the creamed mixture a ¼ at a time.  Mix well.  Cover the cookie dough, put it in the fridge and chill for an hour while sipping hot cocoa!

After you’ve enjoyed your cocoa, go clean the kitchen.  It needs it and you’ll have more room to work with hot trays of cookies coming out of the oven if you just clean up now, go, do.

Heat the oven to 350°F.  Roll out half of the dough at a time, to about ¼” thickness on a floured surface.  Cut with cookie cutters.  My favorites are the star, bell and tree.

Place the cookies about 2″ apart on an un-greased cookie sheet.  Bake for about 6-7 minutes until edges are golden.  Remove immediately to a rack or tea towel laid on the table.

And speaking of your table, do the whole job there if you can.  It’s so much easier for the elves to help you if they can climb up into the chairs and work at the table than trying to work around the chairs they are gonna want to bring into the kitchen so they can reach the counter.

Now, you may ask, “Why, Mother Hen?  Why do you prefer the star, bell and tree cookie cutters over all the others?”

So, I’ll tell ya.  The star, bell, and tree cookies can be frosted (and look lovely) with un-colored frosting.  I may be willing to allow my kids to eat these cookies even though they have Crisco, sugar and white flour in them, but I draw the line at adding food coloring to the frosting!   Of course, you can use any cookie cutter you want, I know we’ll use a bazillion different ones.

And the hidden benefit of using only un-colored frosting is that it’s just simpler.  I won’t have to deal with a zillion little bowls of  differently colored frosting.  Yay!

Buttery Cream Frosting

• 4 cups confectioners sugar (Deep breath, remember, it’s just for Christmas!)
• ½ cup butter flavored Crisco
• 1½ t vanilla
• 6-7 T milk

In a medium bowl (Aren’t you glad you cleaned the kitchen a little while ago?) combine the first three ingredients.  Slowly blend in the milk to the consistency you like.  Then beat on high speed for five minutes.

Now, have some fun watching your elves frost the cookies!

Be sure you let the cookies cool all the way before you frost them.  Also, let the frosting dry all the way before you try to put them into a cookie jar or a ziplock bag.

Linked to Tempt my Tummy Tuesday and Chickens in the Road.

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